Gorgeous Inside!

Once in a while I'll come across a Realtor sign dangling under "for sale" that says, "gorgeous inside." It always makes me laugh and want to say, "Me too!"
I'm just going to be honest with myself, I am just not drop down gorgeous on the outside. My company always asks me to do voice recording but never modeling. They never say it but I know, I'd never make it as an actress. Or a Country singer. I'm not in the least bit photogenic. I'm not the world's version of the perfect weight. (Raphael's paintings reflect the ideals of a different era where his "ideal" women are fleshy and curvy. What happened to that "perfect 10" ???) But....if they could only see the inside!! I think a lot of women feel the same way. Overlook the sagging porch, the peeling paint on the fascia and awnings, the droopy flowers and unkempt lawn.....just look inside where we shine! I truly am gorgeous inside. :)
I love the movie "Shallow Hal" about a man who is "hypnotized" into seeing people as they are on the inside instead of outside. There's the really ugly, bony, anemic nurse who is really beautiful but he doesn't see that, the handsome Hawaiian whose really obese, and of course, the "love interest", the beautiful, kind and loving woman he sees and falls in love with who is actually very overweight. I found out the actress....(the name slips me) put on a "fat suit" for the part and actually walk around in public to get used to it. In real life this woman always has men gawking at her but "fat"- even though she's the same person inside - no one looked twice!
I'm lucky enough to have a husband and family and friends who love me just the way I am. And of course, I'm always trying to improve my looks....I just wish I could wear a sign around my neck that says, "Gorgeous Inside." Do you think then that I could make it in Hollywood? :)

Compromise Helps

Okay, two days now. I did go swimming yesterday and do my usual farm work that I think counts as aerobic exercise. I've decided on some things, like food and love, compromise is important. So...my compromise with hot chocolate (I just can't start the day without it) is that I use "healthy" sugar (just dehydrated cane juice) and then limit myself to one cup a day. I seem to be happier this way.
One of my chickens died yesterday. It was really bizarre, chickens are bizarre creatures. It had been out all night and I think attacked by a cat or something so it had a little cut. The other hens (before I knew about it) tore at her feathers around it on her head until she was completely bald! They go into killing frenzy when they see blood I guess and by evening she was a goner. So sad! What's so ironic is that she dies because of a gash in her neck but my other hen survives having her leg bitten off! Go figure.
Speaking of figures....I'm still at it, improving my figure that is.
Thanks to everyone who reads this and comments, I really appreciate the support!!

This is Hard!!

Breaking old habits is soooo hard. And it seems like there are so many things out there wanting to thwart your goals. I sat down to play my cello and started tuning it and the string broke!! How stupid is that? So it took me a while to put a string back on and then tune it and then.....of course, it was time to go pick up Ben from band practice! So, no practicing for me today with all the other things on my schedule. And I seriously was so close to giving in and having hot chocolate. I think you go through withdrawals even with chocolate.
So day one is over and hopefully it's going to get easier and easier.

I am officially starting a new healthy lifestyle. So here, in my blog, I will "journalize" my experience. A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step and it really does seem like it will be a long journey for me. But, here's the first step.
My goals are to start exercising every day, lose 30 pounds (I'm 165 now) and eat healthier (chocolate has started to take over my life.) I never knew one could be addicted to chocolate but it's true for me. I don't have a problem with chocolate, I have a problem without it. I need to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and less meat.
I think the first step is one of the hardest, however. I am so entrenched in habit, good or bad. I am used to having hot chocolate in the morning, without it, I'm all depressed. You don't know how many times I convinced myself that a cup of hot chocolate in the morning is okay after swearing off the stuff. Every time I attempt to lose weight and start a new healthy lifestyle, I sabotage myself! I give in, or give up. I convince myself that I'm being too extreme. I decide that today is not the day to start my diet, a Monday would be better, or the first of a month. Or, I cheated already, might as well wait until tomorrow.
I find that I do this in other aspects of my life as well like exercising, practicing cello, dressing better, reading my scriptures, writing and finishing my novel, trying out for musicals, staring a band, cleaning the house, planting flowers... I lack inner discipline to achieve my goals. I lack the stick-to-it-ness that one needs to change, truly change. But I NEED TO CHANGE!! Quoting from "Don't Cry For Me Argentina", "I have to let it happen, I have to change." I will never discover who I really am inside if I do not change. If I do not discipline myself and develop healthy habits - good, positive habits.
So, I take the first step...and hope that there will be those along the journey to cheer me on and wish me success.